Down by the River (FlicFlac Edit) - Milky Chance
I love Milky Chance, the lead singer has a wonderfully hoarse voice and this remix just amps it up a notch, without interfering with the original much.
Life is a Song - Patrick Park
Yes, I just watched all four seasons of the OC again and yes, this song at the finale made me cry. JUST LISTEN TO IT THOUGH.
Jubel - Klingande
Too much of an obsession. I think I'm going to do with this what I do with all the songs I get obsessed with - listen to it on loop till I'm officially sick of it. I'm okay with that.
Svefn g Englar - Sigur Rós
Is any Sigur Rós song ever too much? The answer is no, people.
Cherbourg - Beirut
Another of my favourite bands. I imagine myself walking down cobbled streets in Greece, while listening to this one. Every single damn time.
July 25, 2014
Amsterdam, Noord-Holland 2014
Here's a few pictures from my recent two day trip to Amsterdam with my boyfriend.
Amsterdam is everything you read about it in books, everything you ever saw in movies and magazines and just as small. As quaint and idyllic as the city is, its transformation into a typical tourist city is not a pretty one. You hear more American drawls than Dutch accents, one too many Burger Kings and McDonalds and a mysterious amount of bikes in the canals. It's a tiny city (I overestimated the size, everything is within a ten minute walk within the city center) and I think I saw a lot of it in just a day and a half.
Making a new friend in a coffee shop, reuniting with an old one and the garbage collectors on strike made the roadtrip memorable.
Amsterdam is everything you read about it in books, everything you ever saw in movies and magazines and just as small. As quaint and idyllic as the city is, its transformation into a typical tourist city is not a pretty one. You hear more American drawls than Dutch accents, one too many Burger Kings and McDonalds and a mysterious amount of bikes in the canals. It's a tiny city (I overestimated the size, everything is within a ten minute walk within the city center) and I think I saw a lot of it in just a day and a half.
Making a new friend in a coffee shop, reuniting with an old one and the garbage collectors on strike made the roadtrip memorable.
March 26, 2013
Current remixes i'm loving
Mirando (Animal Collective Remix) - Ratatat
{Heard this at Lakme Resort Fashion Week '13. Instant love.}
Midnight Life - The White Panda
{The Good Life by Kanye and Midnight City by M83. Seriously, could you go wrong?}
Get Free (Andy C Remix) - Major Lazer
{This song is SO GOOD. I didn't think it could get better, but I love this remix. }
Bloom (Jamie XX Rework Part 3) - Radiohead
{Sounds nothing like the original. Still amazing.}
{Heard this at Lakme Resort Fashion Week '13. Instant love.}
Midnight Life - The White Panda
{The Good Life by Kanye and Midnight City by M83. Seriously, could you go wrong?}
Get Free (Andy C Remix) - Major Lazer
{This song is SO GOOD. I didn't think it could get better, but I love this remix. }
Bloom (Jamie XX Rework Part 3) - Radiohead
{Sounds nothing like the original. Still amazing.}
March 24, 2013
Looks
As my 'born again' post (just kidding), here are some pictures from a photography assignment I had to do for the 2nd application stage at ESMOD Berlin. Unfortunately I couldn't go to that AMAZING school in that AMAZING city, but after I'm done with my degree, Europe awaits.
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| Location: Colaba Model: Kimya Gandhi (she has a really cool blog, check it out here) White T-shirt: Unknown Palazzo Pants: Cottons Jaipur Necklace: Hill Road Bangles: Unknown Sequinned Hobo Bag: Goa |
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| Location: Candies Person in Picture (I cannot get to referring to myself as a model): Me Striped Tank: H&M Shorts: Hill Road Watch: Guess (Dad's) Studded Messenger Bag: Colaba T-strap Heels: Promod |
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| {Least happy with this one because it was so last minute, therefore not as well executed} Location: Bandra Fort Model: Kimya Gandhi Shirt: Mine, Vile Parle West (Random shop) Polka Dot Dress: From Malaysia Flats: From Germany Watch: Swatch Bag: Vero Moda |
Under Construction
I've been meaning to start my own fashion and beauty blog for a while now, I guess I just never got around to doing it. Procrastination is my friend when not in need, and I also tend to get very lazy and postpone everything that's actually important to me. What can you do?
Anyway, I finally got some random inspiration and I'm going to convert this into a fashion and beauty blog! Like, hauls, OOTDs, FOTDs, tutorials (perhaps), lookbooks, reviews and maybe just some random rambling, staying true to myself.
Till then,
WATCH THIS SPACE.
Anyway, I finally got some random inspiration and I'm going to convert this into a fashion and beauty blog! Like, hauls, OOTDs, FOTDs, tutorials (perhaps), lookbooks, reviews and maybe just some random rambling, staying true to myself.
Till then,
WATCH THIS SPACE.
March 14, 2012
#1
"Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"That. When I rest my hand against your cheek. The sound of sunsets, still swimming pools. When you're walking by a beach after midnight. When you put your earphones in your ears, but no music plays for the first few seconds. The noise-cancelling ones, by the way. That sound when you blink or smile. You know, that."
"Um, those things don't make sounds."
"Exactly. Silence, but so powerful."
"Hear what?"
"That. When I rest my hand against your cheek. The sound of sunsets, still swimming pools. When you're walking by a beach after midnight. When you put your earphones in your ears, but no music plays for the first few seconds. The noise-cancelling ones, by the way. That sound when you blink or smile. You know, that."
"Um, those things don't make sounds."
"Exactly. Silence, but so powerful."
#0
"The fact is, we, as humans worry too much."
"What makes you, uh, say that?" She said, as he leaned forward slightly, to explain, adjusting his tie as he did so.
"Okay, here's a good example. Right now, you're worried that I'm talking to you so much, because you think I like you & want to hit on you. You think, before we get off this plane, I'll try to get your number, maybe get in touch with you for a coffee or two, & you would be uncomfortable, but since we had such a good, in depth conversation, you'd feel awkward to refuse. So you'd do it. Currently, that's worrying you. Am I right?"
She looked evidently uncomfortable now, there was no way of hiding it.
"Its, uh, possible. Not that I'm implying that you ARE hitting on me, because well, you're not."
"No, I am not. I just like talking to people up close & personal. That way, they can't really run or hide from their emotions, you see?"
She didn't make eye contact.
"What makes you, uh, say that?" She said, as he leaned forward slightly, to explain, adjusting his tie as he did so.
"Okay, here's a good example. Right now, you're worried that I'm talking to you so much, because you think I like you & want to hit on you. You think, before we get off this plane, I'll try to get your number, maybe get in touch with you for a coffee or two, & you would be uncomfortable, but since we had such a good, in depth conversation, you'd feel awkward to refuse. So you'd do it. Currently, that's worrying you. Am I right?"
She looked evidently uncomfortable now, there was no way of hiding it.
"Its, uh, possible. Not that I'm implying that you ARE hitting on me, because well, you're not."
"No, I am not. I just like talking to people up close & personal. That way, they can't really run or hide from their emotions, you see?"
She didn't make eye contact.
November 04, 2011
we always talk about how much mankind has evolved over the past... well, since the beginning of time. we started out as food gatherers and hunters, dudes trying to make clothes out of animal skin and discovering fire and all that jazz. then the whole agricultural phase. then discovering new places and meeting more people, and communication developed, and so did our ideas and the way we thought. now everyone has a whole bunch of theories on how things work, and there's the concept of society which fucks things up some more, and all these norms and morals, and of course, religion.
i think its funny how evolved we are as a race, but still, in theory, we're so primal in the sense that we want multiple sexual partners even though we might be emotionally loyal to one. jumping topics? somewhat but not really. a man/woman wants to find that special someone, or those many special someones throughout their life. spend time with them, be intimate and then if that doesn't work out, move on and find another. it's how it works, now. but still, at the end of the day, there is always that temptation, when you see some stranger who you're attracted to and second-glance at. that sexual desire? the burning passion? i don't know. i'm talking about purely physical here. you want to love that one person, shower them with love and affection, yet feel the need to, what's the word i'm looking for here? cheat? yes. cheat. and then there's the whole 'open relationships never work out' concept. and then some more concepts linked with loyalty, commitment, hookups, long-term relationships and all that.
i'm not really making sense here.
basically, what i'm trying to say is, life is one big orgy?
no.
ok i lost my chain of thought.
i think its funny how evolved we are as a race, but still, in theory, we're so primal in the sense that we want multiple sexual partners even though we might be emotionally loyal to one. jumping topics? somewhat but not really. a man/woman wants to find that special someone, or those many special someones throughout their life. spend time with them, be intimate and then if that doesn't work out, move on and find another. it's how it works, now. but still, at the end of the day, there is always that temptation, when you see some stranger who you're attracted to and second-glance at. that sexual desire? the burning passion? i don't know. i'm talking about purely physical here. you want to love that one person, shower them with love and affection, yet feel the need to, what's the word i'm looking for here? cheat? yes. cheat. and then there's the whole 'open relationships never work out' concept. and then some more concepts linked with loyalty, commitment, hookups, long-term relationships and all that.
i'm not really making sense here.
basically, what i'm trying to say is, life is one big orgy?
no.
ok i lost my chain of thought.
August 04, 2011
Forever young.
Me and Sasha were talking, and I absolutely agree with the conversation we had, so I thought I'd write about it, simply.
I want my childhood back. All the way back, when I was carefree and innocent. I don't know if I was ever 'innocent' in the true sense, but I was definitely indifferent to what others thought I did, looked like, acted like. I goofed up more than I do now, as a kid. Obviously. I got bullied and harassed by the kids in the opposite and next building, but I still enjoyed playing a game of hide 'n seek with them. I played with my Barbies, till I was like thirteen. I didn't care. They were gorgeous, shiny and alive. Now, most of them are given away and the rest are probably in a box up on the attic. I'm not even sure. It saddens me how that happened.
Back in school, I had a lot of friends. We all liked each other. I had a unibrow. Hairy arms and legs. I was a wild child. I bullied the boys. I talked a lot in class. I had a crush on the swimmer kid who got the highest marks in class. I drew, a lot. What happened to that?
I want to go back to when I was a unibrowed flower-power feminist who thought that girls don't need boys to be happy. We can live without them and enjoy life without all those hassles. Then things changed. I met a few boys. I made mistakes, and a few choices I wish I could reverse, but it's too late.
At night, I used to go to bed thinking about how sad it would be if my family members died. One by one. I'd cry myself to sleep. Since then, two of my cats died. So did my grandfather. It was sad. We moved on, but not quite. Now, before I go to bed, I find myself thinking about whether I'll ever truly find love or not. How long I can go on without making a solid decision about my future. I think about him, knowing he doesn't think about me. I think about a lot of 'him's. But mostly just him.
Right now, I'm at a point where I don't know who I am. I'm trying to find out more things about myself, things I'm good at, things I like that I didn't find myself liking before. Wanting to earn money so I can actually shop every month without feeling guilty. Procrastinating. Going to another country.
When did this all happen?
I want my childhood back. All the way back, when I was carefree and innocent. I don't know if I was ever 'innocent' in the true sense, but I was definitely indifferent to what others thought I did, looked like, acted like. I goofed up more than I do now, as a kid. Obviously. I got bullied and harassed by the kids in the opposite and next building, but I still enjoyed playing a game of hide 'n seek with them. I played with my Barbies, till I was like thirteen. I didn't care. They were gorgeous, shiny and alive. Now, most of them are given away and the rest are probably in a box up on the attic. I'm not even sure. It saddens me how that happened.
Back in school, I had a lot of friends. We all liked each other. I had a unibrow. Hairy arms and legs. I was a wild child. I bullied the boys. I talked a lot in class. I had a crush on the swimmer kid who got the highest marks in class. I drew, a lot. What happened to that?
I want to go back to when I was a unibrowed flower-power feminist who thought that girls don't need boys to be happy. We can live without them and enjoy life without all those hassles. Then things changed. I met a few boys. I made mistakes, and a few choices I wish I could reverse, but it's too late.
At night, I used to go to bed thinking about how sad it would be if my family members died. One by one. I'd cry myself to sleep. Since then, two of my cats died. So did my grandfather. It was sad. We moved on, but not quite. Now, before I go to bed, I find myself thinking about whether I'll ever truly find love or not. How long I can go on without making a solid decision about my future. I think about him, knowing he doesn't think about me. I think about a lot of 'him's. But mostly just him.
Right now, I'm at a point where I don't know who I am. I'm trying to find out more things about myself, things I'm good at, things I like that I didn't find myself liking before. Wanting to earn money so I can actually shop every month without feeling guilty. Procrastinating. Going to another country.
When did this all happen?
July 15, 2011
& I can't get it out of my head.
Suddenly remembered that song, by John Paul White, and, funnily enough, I can't get it out of my head. Who knew, eh?
It's happening again. You think you're close to someone, and then they just do something that surprises you completely. It's usually unpleasant. Atleast it is in my case. I've learnt to ignore it, or rather, put the feeling aside. It's not that important when I look at the bigger picture. You can go do your thing, and I'll do mine. Piece o' cake.
I'm procrastinating, yet again. Will I ever get my work done? I don't think so. I have to look into universities, as I'm really unhappy with college right now, and I hardly ever go. I can't help it, it just doesn't interest me, though I did meet this pretty cool girl, and well, I went and got a monroe piercing with her. HA. Yes, that's just me. I'm ridiculously impulsive.
Too many things to consider. My sister says, "Since you love clothes and fashion so much, why don't you go to fashion school? But it's a dog eat dog world." Someone else says, "You should really look into graphic design at Raffles, it seems like it'll be your kinda thing." And then the, "Prepare for N.I.D! You're good enough to get in!"
Will I ever be able to make up my mind?
I doubt it.
[Ha, he smelled so good, that I can still remember what his cologne smells like.]
It's happening again. You think you're close to someone, and then they just do something that surprises you completely. It's usually unpleasant. Atleast it is in my case. I've learnt to ignore it, or rather, put the feeling aside. It's not that important when I look at the bigger picture. You can go do your thing, and I'll do mine. Piece o' cake.
I'm procrastinating, yet again. Will I ever get my work done? I don't think so. I have to look into universities, as I'm really unhappy with college right now, and I hardly ever go. I can't help it, it just doesn't interest me, though I did meet this pretty cool girl, and well, I went and got a monroe piercing with her. HA. Yes, that's just me. I'm ridiculously impulsive.
Too many things to consider. My sister says, "Since you love clothes and fashion so much, why don't you go to fashion school? But it's a dog eat dog world." Someone else says, "You should really look into graphic design at Raffles, it seems like it'll be your kinda thing." And then the, "Prepare for N.I.D! You're good enough to get in!"
Will I ever be able to make up my mind?
I doubt it.
[Ha, he smelled so good, that I can still remember what his cologne smells like.]
June 09, 2011
I love the sound the little green ceramic spoon makes against my teeth when I play with it carelessly.
I love trusting people and letting them in, even though I know they will almost always let me down later.
I love knowing that he's looking at me observingly, when I'm looking away. And I still know he's looking.
I love the feeling you get when you really have to pee and then you finally DO.
I love eating my food as fast as I can and then immediately feeling bad the second it's over.
I love girly make-up, stillettos and denim shorts.
I love sleeping, all the flippin' time, and staying up late at night doing absolutely nothing.
I love not knowing what I want to do in the future, makes it so much more interesting.
I love leopard print, especially when it's combined with the colour pink.
I love knowing exactly what's on someone's mind when they make that certain expression.
I love wearing my dad's oversized t-shirts.
I love the familiar smell of my room and my blanket.
I love music.
I love comfortable silences.
I love the feeling of being infatuated. Even though it's temporary.
I love thinking about things that are never going to happen and still getting butterflies in my stomach.
I love, a lot.
I love trusting people and letting them in, even though I know they will almost always let me down later.
I love knowing that he's looking at me observingly, when I'm looking away. And I still know he's looking.
I love the feeling you get when you really have to pee and then you finally DO.
I love eating my food as fast as I can and then immediately feeling bad the second it's over.
I love girly make-up, stillettos and denim shorts.
I love sleeping, all the flippin' time, and staying up late at night doing absolutely nothing.
I love not knowing what I want to do in the future, makes it so much more interesting.
I love leopard print, especially when it's combined with the colour pink.
I love knowing exactly what's on someone's mind when they make that certain expression.
I love wearing my dad's oversized t-shirts.
I love the familiar smell of my room and my blanket.
I love music.
I love comfortable silences.
I love the feeling of being infatuated. Even though it's temporary.
I love thinking about things that are never going to happen and still getting butterflies in my stomach.
I love, a lot.
June 05, 2011
Wtf.
Sometimes, just sometimes, when I think about me, as a person, the concept of me seems so surreal. Like, wow, this is ME. This is who I am. I look in the mirror; that's what I look like. Its my identity. 'I'. 'Me'. Its just.. Intriguing & a little hard to digest. The concept's always puzzled me, but voicing it out, or putting it down on paper seems odd. Why would anyone question their identity? It feels like I'm questioning my sanity. Sometimes, when people call out my name, or address me, it feels like they're addressing a stranger. Is that normal? I don't know. It just feels strange. Its almost like I'm not comfortable or certain of who I am.
I'm still quite confused. Who the heck am I? It doesn't feel like 'me'. Whatever that is.
I'm still quite confused. Who the heck am I? It doesn't feel like 'me'. Whatever that is.
April 12, 2011
All I feel is strange, in your perfect world.
Lose yourself in the music. I don't think there's anything better you can do. Forget about all your problems, tomorrow's bills you have to pay, the messy pile of laundry, your insignificant and rather non-existent love life. Feeding the cats. Picking out the right outfit for tomorrow.
Can I fill you up with my emptiness, tonight? Can I hold your hand as we slip into the light?
Can I live on my own, for the rest of my life? No one to keep me company. You know what kind of company I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder. Relationships all around me. Some steady, some genuinely happy with their fair share of ups and downs, some with a constant facade. Some for the sake of convenience. No, I don't think that pair of stillettos is going to make her love you any more than she actually does(n't).
Take me away; a secret place, a sweet escape.
I want to go back to the time of high waisted skirts. Puffy sleeves. Tailored trousers. Waistcoats and blouses. Long summer dresses. All that's back now. Funny how fashion works in a cycle.
Written in the stars, a million miles away.
Every song reminds me of a different period of time. Fur Immer Jetzt and it reminds me of rickshaw rides back in January 2010 with Ash. Open Car reminds me of serenading, in his dad's studio. Someone Special reminds me of jamming sessions on my terrace. Jizz in my Pants reminds me of two day long sleepovers with Sashimi. Last of a Dying Breed reminds me of good times, chilling with some whiskey on the rocks at noon, with people I feel very disconnected with, now.
Lose yourself in the music. I don't think there's anything better you can do. Forget about all your problems, tomorrow's bills you have to pay, the messy pile of laundry, your insignificant and rather non-existent love life. Feeding the cats. Picking out the right outfit for tomorrow.
Can I fill you up with my emptiness, tonight? Can I hold your hand as we slip into the light?
Can I live on my own, for the rest of my life? No one to keep me company. You know what kind of company I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder. Relationships all around me. Some steady, some genuinely happy with their fair share of ups and downs, some with a constant facade. Some for the sake of convenience. No, I don't think that pair of stillettos is going to make her love you any more than she actually does(n't).
Take me away; a secret place, a sweet escape.
I want to go back to the time of high waisted skirts. Puffy sleeves. Tailored trousers. Waistcoats and blouses. Long summer dresses. All that's back now. Funny how fashion works in a cycle.
Written in the stars, a million miles away.
Every song reminds me of a different period of time. Fur Immer Jetzt and it reminds me of rickshaw rides back in January 2010 with Ash. Open Car reminds me of serenading, in his dad's studio. Someone Special reminds me of jamming sessions on my terrace. Jizz in my Pants reminds me of two day long sleepovers with Sashimi. Last of a Dying Breed reminds me of good times, chilling with some whiskey on the rocks at noon, with people I feel very disconnected with, now.
April 11, 2011
I don't think there's anything, after death. You die & then that's it. Its the end. But what does the end really mean? I suppose its like going to sleep. A dreamless sleep. One where you don't end up waking up.
Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just casually stand on the railway tracks & let the train run me over. & know what it feels. But the worst part is I'll never end up find out. Maybe for a split second, & that'll be it.
This really isn't a sad or an emotional post. Just one where I'm wondering about stuff.
I think it also helps, the fact that I haven't slept all night, once again. Its not a nice feeling. Just a slight rush for a bit & then this worn out feeling. Also the fact that I'm living in yesterday. Its still yesterday for me. Because technically, it isn't the next day till you go to bed & wake up. & if there's no sleep involved, well... That's just fucked up.
About the train tracks part... That was fucked up too.
Ok this is my cue to shut up now.
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone
Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just casually stand on the railway tracks & let the train run me over. & know what it feels. But the worst part is I'll never end up find out. Maybe for a split second, & that'll be it.
This really isn't a sad or an emotional post. Just one where I'm wondering about stuff.
I think it also helps, the fact that I haven't slept all night, once again. Its not a nice feeling. Just a slight rush for a bit & then this worn out feeling. Also the fact that I'm living in yesterday. Its still yesterday for me. Because technically, it isn't the next day till you go to bed & wake up. & if there's no sleep involved, well... That's just fucked up.
About the train tracks part... That was fucked up too.
Ok this is my cue to shut up now.
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone
March 21, 2011
yiiikes, adulthood.
you know what's new? here's what new.
I AM OFFICIALLY AN ADULT. this is insane, because i feel like a ten year old child. except for the.. boobs, and stuff. but yeah, you get it.
yesterday was a regular day, except my mom was a sweetheart and baked me a DELICIOUS chocolate cake, my dad cooked lunch for me [sauteed prawns, man, were they good!], i got a bunch of AMAZING gifts, two of my best friends landed up and surprised me at 12 and well.. it was just a great feeling.
i love it when people do special things for me, it feels so nice.
oh and spoke to an old acquaintance again. a rather attractive one, at that. MUAHAHA.
anyway. yeah. so full. so much food. i want more cake.
I AM OFFICIALLY AN ADULT. this is insane, because i feel like a ten year old child. except for the.. boobs, and stuff. but yeah, you get it.
yesterday was a regular day, except my mom was a sweetheart and baked me a DELICIOUS chocolate cake, my dad cooked lunch for me [sauteed prawns, man, were they good!], i got a bunch of AMAZING gifts, two of my best friends landed up and surprised me at 12 and well.. it was just a great feeling.
i love it when people do special things for me, it feels so nice.
oh and spoke to an old acquaintance again. a rather attractive one, at that. MUAHAHA.
anyway. yeah. so full. so much food. i want more cake.
March 17, 2011
January 02, 2011
It's already 2011. It's the second day. ALREADY. It's crazy how fast time passes by. 'Happy' New Year? Yeah, fingers crossed. I hope this year's better than the last, less unpleasant surprises, less hasty decisions, less mistakes and less people lost.
Here's to new beginnings. Here's to 2011.
There's not much more I can say.
Here's to new beginnings. Here's to 2011.
There's not much more I can say.
December 19, 2010
Let's talk.
So obviously there's a difference in sober, regular conversations and stoned conversations.
Stoned conversations are the best, no doubt. Especially when they're with U. He's like, the chillest guy to talk to, I've discovered. And I can actually talk to him about anything and everything without thinking about it twice. That's the difference between a guy and a girl, I suppose. With girls, you really have to think twice before saying something and then wonder if you shouldn't have said it instead, once you do. With guys, it's just so simple. You say it and then you forget about it and they do too, and the conversation moves on. There's none of that backbiting, and bitching, and gossip. It's so easy and non complicated.
So today was great. Sitting for almost four hours on the promenade at Carter's, just sitting and discussing big plans, relationships, mistakes, personalities, sex, childhood memories, money, partying and just being stupid teenagers and fucking up now and then. It was one of those moments which I actually cherish, because there aren't too many people with whom you can talk to one on one without feeling judged or stupid.
Stupid talks, haha. Lots of those happened today.
One of those things we spoke about was this; so we're looking at the horizon, and the sky's doing this three colour gradient thing. There's the lightblue on top, a thin line of orange in the centre, and an inky blue space at the bottom. So the skyblue line's full of all those people who play games in life. That's their area, they can do what they want. So the people they will find, also lie within the same strata. Their variety ends there. Then, there's the orange line, which is full of people who won't take risks, girls willing to wait until marriage to have sex, people who don't experiment and are firm and rigid, that category. Same rule applies. The inkyblue line, however, consists of the honest people. The ones who actually live life how they want to live it, and not based on games, or 'playing the cards right'. And funny thing is, the bottom of the layer blends into the sea, making it one. And the sea is endless. So there's all those possibilities you have open. Just.. an interesting concept and something I liked. So I put it on here.
Look forward to more conversations like that. Love them.
Stoned conversations are the best, no doubt. Especially when they're with U. He's like, the chillest guy to talk to, I've discovered. And I can actually talk to him about anything and everything without thinking about it twice. That's the difference between a guy and a girl, I suppose. With girls, you really have to think twice before saying something and then wonder if you shouldn't have said it instead, once you do. With guys, it's just so simple. You say it and then you forget about it and they do too, and the conversation moves on. There's none of that backbiting, and bitching, and gossip. It's so easy and non complicated.
So today was great. Sitting for almost four hours on the promenade at Carter's, just sitting and discussing big plans, relationships, mistakes, personalities, sex, childhood memories, money, partying and just being stupid teenagers and fucking up now and then. It was one of those moments which I actually cherish, because there aren't too many people with whom you can talk to one on one without feeling judged or stupid.
Stupid talks, haha. Lots of those happened today.
One of those things we spoke about was this; so we're looking at the horizon, and the sky's doing this three colour gradient thing. There's the lightblue on top, a thin line of orange in the centre, and an inky blue space at the bottom. So the skyblue line's full of all those people who play games in life. That's their area, they can do what they want. So the people they will find, also lie within the same strata. Their variety ends there. Then, there's the orange line, which is full of people who won't take risks, girls willing to wait until marriage to have sex, people who don't experiment and are firm and rigid, that category. Same rule applies. The inkyblue line, however, consists of the honest people. The ones who actually live life how they want to live it, and not based on games, or 'playing the cards right'. And funny thing is, the bottom of the layer blends into the sea, making it one. And the sea is endless. So there's all those possibilities you have open. Just.. an interesting concept and something I liked. So I put it on here.
Look forward to more conversations like that. Love them.
December 14, 2010
Every rule I'm breaking, the risk that I'm takin'.
So when I'm reading a book, or reading anything for that matter, I let myself stare hard and long enough at the pages till eventually, the spaces in the words on the page eventually makes a pattern. And it's unique for every single page. Try it, Just stare at the page, till your gaze goes blurry, and you'll notice how the spaces between the words, and the beginning to new paragraphs, all the blanks make a pattern. And they're shapes, and sometimes they form new words. It's really fascinating. I wonder if they're trying to tell us something? Nobody can really be that smart, can they? No. I wonder.
So there's still too much happening. It's never calm. There's rarely a moment where I'm chilling with myself, doing nothing, and there is not one thing on my mind that is bothering me. There is always a nagging feeling about something that is worrying me, or something that I need to do which I'm delaying, or something that can't get off my mind. Some people, some incidents, some whatstheirnames. Why can't I just switch my mind off when I wish to? I don't mind being completely dumb for a couple of minutes, if it's giving me peace.
I read somewhere, or heard someone say [I can't remember] that if we handed everyone in the world a joint and we all lit it at the same time, maybe, just maybe we could achieve world peace for those fifteen minutes. Really. Just trip on your own thoughts and actions and look deeper.
I try to focus on ONE thing, but I really end up feeling so A.D.D. So lost, and confused.
The year's almost come to an end, and how. I can safely say this year's been the most eventful year of my life, hands down. It has also been the worst. I've met way too many people, and too many of them have hurt me, and maybe I've hurt a few of them, because these things work both ways. I've made too many mistakes. I've passed opinions and judgements. I've fought and argued. I've lied, a little. Okay, maybe a lot. But specifically. I cried a lot, too. Over things I couldn't imagine I would ever cry about. I gave someone everything and got nothing in return. I played all my cards wrong. I saw way too many people falling in love, and out of it. I saw people die, and I met new people who changed me. I love the ones who made me feel special.
I'm still unable to think of 'love' or say those three words without feeling guilty/unsure/scared/insecure/embarassed. In that sense, of course.
2011, I'm welcoming you with open arms. I won't let you down if you don't let me down, either. Pinky promise.
So there's still too much happening. It's never calm. There's rarely a moment where I'm chilling with myself, doing nothing, and there is not one thing on my mind that is bothering me. There is always a nagging feeling about something that is worrying me, or something that I need to do which I'm delaying, or something that can't get off my mind. Some people, some incidents, some whatstheirnames. Why can't I just switch my mind off when I wish to? I don't mind being completely dumb for a couple of minutes, if it's giving me peace.
I read somewhere, or heard someone say [I can't remember] that if we handed everyone in the world a joint and we all lit it at the same time, maybe, just maybe we could achieve world peace for those fifteen minutes. Really. Just trip on your own thoughts and actions and look deeper.
I try to focus on ONE thing, but I really end up feeling so A.D.D. So lost, and confused.
The year's almost come to an end, and how. I can safely say this year's been the most eventful year of my life, hands down. It has also been the worst. I've met way too many people, and too many of them have hurt me, and maybe I've hurt a few of them, because these things work both ways. I've made too many mistakes. I've passed opinions and judgements. I've fought and argued. I've lied, a little. Okay, maybe a lot. But specifically. I cried a lot, too. Over things I couldn't imagine I would ever cry about. I gave someone everything and got nothing in return. I played all my cards wrong. I saw way too many people falling in love, and out of it. I saw people die, and I met new people who changed me. I love the ones who made me feel special.
I'm still unable to think of 'love' or say those three words without feeling guilty/unsure/scared/insecure/embarassed. In that sense, of course.
2011, I'm welcoming you with open arms. I won't let you down if you don't let me down, either. Pinky promise.
November 26, 2010
That's what YOU think.
Take a deep breath, and relax. It's over. At least.. that's what she told herself. After almost a year of confusion and not knowing what she was doing, weighing her decisions over and over again to try and make sense to herself and justifying her every move was no easy task, that was for sure, but now, she was doubting herself all over again. Did she play her cards right? Not really, no. She had to stack them back up and redistribute them to go for another round, but life is too short for that. It doesn't come with a remote control to rewind and pause to that exact second when the introduction happened. She knew she was a masochist. Or she wouldn't have let it go on for so long. She knew she could very well have the power and the control. If only she wasn't so weak and emotional.
So now, after many 'almost-ending-and-then-going-back-to-the-beginning's, almost-heartbreak and almost-a lot of other things, she decided she was through. There was never going to be a 'what if', what was done was done. She had made all the wrong choices, and now it was time to make the right one.
She was quite content with herself.
Wieder geht es von vorne los.
So now, after many 'almost-ending-and-then-going-back-to-the-beginning's, almost-heartbreak and almost-a lot of other things, she decided she was through. There was never going to be a 'what if', what was done was done. She had made all the wrong choices, and now it was time to make the right one.
She was quite content with herself.
Wieder geht es von vorne los.
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