April 12, 2011

All I feel is strange, in your perfect world.

Lose yourself in the music. I don't think there's anything better you can do. Forget about all your problems, tomorrow's bills you have to pay, the messy pile of laundry, your insignificant and rather non-existent love life. Feeding the cats. Picking out the right outfit for tomorrow.

Can I fill you up with my emptiness, tonight? Can I hold your hand as we slip into the light?

Can I live on my own, for the rest of my life? No one to keep me company. You know what kind of company I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder. Relationships all around me. Some steady, some genuinely happy with their fair share of ups and downs, some with a constant facade. Some for the sake of convenience. No, I don't think that pair of stillettos is going to make her love you any more than she actually does(n't).

Take me away; a secret place, a sweet escape.

I want to go back to the time of high waisted skirts. Puffy sleeves. Tailored trousers. Waistcoats and blouses. Long summer dresses. All that's back now. Funny how fashion works in a cycle.

Written in the stars, a million miles away.

Every song reminds me of a different period of time. Fur Immer Jetzt and it reminds me of rickshaw rides back in January 2010 with Ash. Open Car reminds me of serenading, in his dad's studio. Someone Special reminds me of jamming sessions on my terrace. Jizz in my Pants reminds me of two day long sleepovers with Sashimi. Last of a Dying Breed reminds me of good times, chilling with some whiskey on the rocks at noon, with people I feel very disconnected with, now.

April 11, 2011

I don't think there's anything, after death. You die & then that's it. Its the end. But what does the end really mean? I suppose its like going to sleep. A dreamless sleep. One where you don't end up waking up.
Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just casually stand on the railway tracks & let the train run me over. & know what it feels. But the worst part is I'll never end up find out. Maybe for a split second, & that'll be it.
This really isn't a sad or an emotional post. Just one where I'm wondering about stuff.
I think it also helps, the fact that I haven't slept all night, once again. Its not a nice feeling. Just a slight rush for a bit & then this worn out feeling. Also the fact that I'm living in yesterday. Its still yesterday for me. Because technically, it isn't the next day till you go to bed & wake up. & if there's no sleep involved, well... That's just fucked up.
About the train tracks part... That was fucked up too.
Ok this is my cue to shut up now.
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